Friday, April 14

turning the pain into bad performance poetry

What Not to Do On a Third Date

By Cheryl B.

If your date gives you an orgasm on a Saturday night
DO NOT immediately tell her you do not feel a deep connection to her

If your date is gently fondling your body after making you come
DO NOT say you see no future between the two of you

If your date is lying next to you in bed after your climax
DO NOT say it is no longer "fun and random"

If your date begins crying hysterically after you tell her these things
DO NOT pet her head in a condescending manner and say,
“I still think you’re pretty, and smart and funny and..."

If your date’s cat has just died
And if you were feeling these things before you went on the third date,
DO NOT be surprised when your date writes revenge poetry

If your date is 10-years your senior
DO NOT tell her as you leave her apartment in the middle of the night,
“There’s still hope for you. You’re not that old."

If you’re young and inexperienced in the dating arena
DO NOT use your youth and lack of experience as an excuse for your actions

You may not realize it now, but someday you will become your date:
Demoralized and outraged, alone in your apartment in the wee hours of Sunday morning, wondering where it all went wrong

“WHERE DID IT ALL GO WRONG?” You will demand of your walls
But the walls will not answer
Only your own voice will boomerang back at you,
like a slap that manages to be both tender and firm at the same time


Christine said...

Yeah, that whole scenario has happened to me more times then I'd like to admit.

I Like the poem.

Anonymous said...

Bravo! I love it.

But meanwhile, I'm so sorry to read about your beautiful cat. And sciatica! Tough times for you at the moment. Keep on keeping on and don't be shy about the revenge poetry. xx

Charlotte C in London

rose said...

God, this is shocking. I mean I know we have all been through it one way or another but damn, the 'there's still time for you' shite is insane. sorry and sorry about your cat and the sciatica.
your revenge poem was awesome.